ta reese a: tease era


I’m tired of it

My friend tells me to keep trying.
But it’s getting tiresome
I don’t want to meet people
Have a good time
And then have them reject me post-1st date
I’m tired of it.

Part of it feels fake
Like doing everything that would make me think you’re having a good time too and telling me so
And then telling me I’m very much just a friend


Filed under: feelings, life

Undo it all

People spend our childhoods building these ideas that we need the perfect partner to be happy, that that’s a natural progression in life, and then when young adulthood comes around we get pestered by relatives and friends on our single status. Then we finally get to appreciate being alone when we’re old enough and people realize that we’re happy and we were able to get to this state without the brainwashed ideals of happiness from our childhood and earlier half of life.

Why do we make these walls for ourselves? Why do our parents and peers provide the pieces? Why’s it up to us to break out?

Be happy with who you are before you invite someone else on to your life, they say.

But how do you do that when all your life people tell you that until you find this “other half” you can’t be content?

Filed under: feelings, from my understanding, thoughts


Aim to be feminist not chivalrous.

Filed under: in my opinion, life, sexism

the way you treat me

recognize that this is not normal nor appropriate and use it as added motivation to get out of this situation

Filed under: Uncategorized

Sometimes you need to cleanse your online presence

Besides the occasional bout of homesickness I was so happy this summer, content with everyday and everyone I was surrounded with. Enamoured with life, attending all the events I wanted, not having my mood be dependent on the presence of others, doing everything by my choice – I was content.

I realized I wasn’t feeling this way when I returned and it wasn’t because home life was so different or change was unadjustable. Somewhere along the way, when I started trying to meet people online, I’d let my ego get tied into the validation of other people, their frequency of replies, and their eagerness to meet, the more or less uncontrollable factors.

I know it was silly to have accepted them as if they were an accurate measurement of my personality or appearance. They didn’t even know me. Somewhere along the way, I developed a toxic relationship with myself. There are books and articles teaching us to get rid of toxic partners, parents, and friends, but I’d forgotten about toxic thought patterns. That’s ironic given what I studied, no?

I don’t know how or when I let myself go from confident and comfortable to confused and insecure, and when I realized, I didn’t like it.

I didn’t like how people’s – strangers’ – lack of respect for me online had me questioning why someone would feel I wasn’t worth the respect, and if perhaps they were right. Then I started reading about other people’s experiences in forums, blogs, and articles; they described how they were ghosted, stood up, felt used, etc. I hated how they were told to accept this behaviour as the new norm and to write it off with “It’s just [site/app for meeting people here]. Get over it,” disregarding that the way they were feeling was valid, not addressing that no, it’s not okay for people to treat each other this way and yes, if you feel hurt, it’s normal, not being too sensitive. It was disheartening. It made me sad. And when I really thought about it, I was adding to the problem, too. You’re either on the bus or in front of the bus. Plus it was a problem I could easily get rid of.

So I deleted it all.

It was really fun talking to people, but any connection that I would’ve categorized as meaningful eventually got stale. Any person I’d met that I thought I’d be good friends with for the long run ended in silence. I know it’s not always like this. Unlucky maybe. Self-fulfilling prophecy maybe. Small sample size maybe.

Society. There’s this stigma against people who are single. They make it out to be a situation people are fighting to get out of. It’s not true. But I guess the marketing worked on me.

Be prepared to see people in a more jaded way if you’re about to embark on online adventures. It seems more about meeting people and getting their own needs met and basic, real life courtesy gets left behind. As uncomfortable I was with all this, even I felt it was appropriate to leave people hanging and delete without a trace.

Starting accepting and even expecting rude behaviour as appropriate…

Filed under: feelings, from my understanding, life, ,

It’s been bothering me lately

I think you’re projecting and it sucks. I don’t see why you’d think I care if you’re in a relationship or not. I encouraged it; I supported it. Now you act as if I’m awkward about it? If I’m not around it’s because I want to do other things, not because I don’t want to see you together.

And the other couple: I’m not avoiding you. She’s told me too much (whether made up or not) for me to act naturally or without wondering who’s the one acting.

So can we please just go back to before where we talked? Or maybe not. Right now I feel like you’re assuming I’m immature and am incapable of being friends to people in relationships or something and I’m really not liking it. Like come on… you’re making it a big deal.

Filed under: people, problems,

Favourite pair of siblings

Twice a week I stand at the bus stop with my favourite pair of siblings. It’s one of those awkward acquaintanceships where we acknowledge without really acknowledging and I laugh at their funny quips. Anyway, today the younger sister forgot something inside the school and she hesitated to go in because the bus was coming. The brother reassured her with, “Just go in. If you don’t come back in time I’ll wait with you for the next one.” It was 0 degrees. And when the bus showed up at the intersection, we were all looking back for her shadow. “She’s going to make it.” The ambulance was enough of a delay for her to run back in time.

Filed under: friendships, Handshake, head nod, hug, life, or hello, people

Life’s not a competition

You don’t have to constantly one-up everything I say, talk like you have information that others don’t have, nor engage in “negging.” It’s frustrating and it’s making me hate talking to you.

Filed under: people,

people and information about them

I generally don’t forget what you’ve told me

and if I seem to

I’m probably pretending so you don’t get creeped out

Filed under: feelings,


Sometimes it’s hard to shake that some moments may be fate. For instance, 90% of the time, when my bus is late, doesn’t come, or when I miss it, I end up on the next bus seeing someone I know.

How do you explain this?

Filed under: life,

December 2015
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