ta reese a: tease era

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I haven’t felt that before

When his hands touched mine so briefly it was electrifying.

Is it possible for only one side of two people sharing the same moment to feel this way?

Why aren’t experiences and perception universal? Why are they coloured by the past and our desires?

Filed under: feelings

you infuriate me

I hate your know-it-all attitude, your constant fishing for compliments, your humblebrags

I know I make it sound like I hate your existence all together

I don’t

I find it’s teaching me the limits of my tolerance.

I wish I could say this all to your face but at the moment I’m trying to avoid spending time with you in real life.

SO NOPE. Is a bad character contagious because I’m feeling it through the phone.

My passive aggressiveness level is skyrocketing. Sorry, world.

That’s one of the characteristics that really bothers me – people that are so confident to the degree of cockiness but aren’t very good at what they’re critiquing others on. Self-proclaimed expert = you get on my nerves. Where does your confidence even come from?!

Filed under: feelings, in my opinion, people,

1234 posts in 5 years

When I first started using WordPress, I never thought I’d blog so often, but 1234 posts and half a decade later, here I am. WordPress has helped me feel a bit more connected to the world, so thank you fellow bloggers for your personal blogs. I hope it’ll never be about “follow for follow” or “like for like” like some other social media but genuine appreciation for each other’s writing, expressions, and life.

1234

Filed under: random,

disappointments and fears

A part of me is relieved. I’ve been having a bit of anxiety about having to immerse myself into a French environment again. Would they judge me for my intermediate ability? Would the people I used to know still be people that I’d want to be friends with two years later or vice versa? People change. Would the loneliness of the first time hit me again?

Over the last year I’ve really realized how much social justice means to me and also how political correctness has a strange sort of value in my life. With me probably staying here in my comfort zone, maybe it’s a blessing in disguise. I wouldn’t want to be gone if something were to happen. It’s this strange balance of me wanting adventure but knowing I’m not really cut out for the type of work that I know will be accompanied by dread and apprehension.

There was the whole who would I sit with for lunch? Who would be my work friends? And for the gossip, have I been the subject of any? It’s just so much of the social aspect that really bothers me. I tell everyone how excited I am about the possibility, which now looks very slim, but I was kind of scared. I’m not able to sit through another summer holding my tongue to not offend anyone just so I’d have someone to sit with. It was hard enough and aggravating enough the first time. These aren’t things I talk about. I’d like to look back with only fond memories, not of aggressively trying to find comfort where it didn’t exist.

But that was how it was and I’d felt such weak ties to my friends back home. I didn’t know how much a simple How are you doing? one-liner could affect me. Because it’s tough when you feel alone and when you can’t understand why people are acting in ways that you’d think are unacceptable. I remember thinking that it was just a few more months to pull through. I enjoyed moments of it immensely and as an experience my whole life was enriched, but there are some parts I’d rather dub as growing pains and never go through again.

So … I guess what I’m trying to say is that whether or not this works out, I’m okay with staying put and figuring out a future here too.

Stream of consciousness.

Filed under: feelings, life,

like I don’t get it

When you tell me you never have any secondary motives

beyond platonic hangouts

are you trying to get my defenses down?

When you talk to me past your bedtime

delving into the hours that will reduce your work productivity

is it because we’re friends?

When you suggest all these activities that I’ve said I wanted to do

is it because you like adventure with company?

Am I thinking too much?

Mixed signals.

I’m confusing between what I want and what’s happening.

Filed under: feelings, life, people

We met up

But we weren’t the only ones there. I went in and saw a large group and thought Wow, I must’ve misread everything; I feel so silly. I considered leaving because if it was a group thing, then no one would notice my absence anyway. But I told myself that I was a big girl and sauntered over. Lo and behold, next to the guy that invited me out was a guy that asked me out many years ago that I’d rejected. How ironic was it that I’d end up sitting next to him in the same place I refused to go to all those years ago? I wonder if he remembers. So as the guy that I’d intended to meet up with starts introducing us, I interject with, I have him on Facebook. It’s less formal than we’re friends and gave space for him not remembering me. Isn’t it neat how one title can capture that essence of a non-friendship? As it turns out not everyone in the large group was part of them. I buckled down and for the most part did not talk. It was so strange to go somewhere with expectations and then being completely thrown off. Also, he’s always on his phone. Those replies that took a day? They weren’t crafted cleverly or anything. Buddy is fishing.

Filed under: life, people,

I’ve always wondered if it’d come up

We finally talked about the potential
Of it ever happening

Filed under: feelings

Maybe that’s all you know

I thought about it a bit. Maybe you only know how to interact with women by flirting with them.

But you acted very “normally” before you clarified my status. So you’re definitely capable of not flirting.

But I like friendships with a playful nature. Those are my favourite.

Filed under: feelings, friendships

Straighten out my life

Sometimes the best thing to do is pick up a book and get lost in it.

If the book isn’t good, put it down. Life’s too short to finish books for the sake of reading and not for pleasure.

Except textbooks. Get those readings done.

Filed under: books, feelings

soft touches

small of my back

back of my knees

encircled waist

swoon

Filed under: life

March 2015
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