ta reese a: tease era

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…sarcasm? the way it explains why dating is hard

Reactions to these blog posts:

http://www.mtlblog.com/2015/06/dating-in-montreal-sucks-and-heres-why/ and the follow-up http://www.mtlblog.com/2015/06/montreal-man-honestly-responds-to-the-dating-in-montreal-sucks-and-heres-why-article/

I don’t think the original article was supposed to be taken seriously. It’s so sexist in the way it implies women should be treated…

  1. Splitting the bill. I have a job. I’m capable of paying my way. I’d read a comment somewhere (I think a 9gag post) about how when guys pay, sometimes there’s this sense of entitlement that comes with it. Like I paid for you so you owe me something physical. Personally, I don’t like the power imbalance that comes with someone paying for me. I enjoy being treated but I have every intention of balancing it out. Though women are still paid less per dollar than men earn for the same jobs…but we need equal pay, not to smooth out it out with meals.
    1. This is a dig at “golddiggers”
  2. Why are you assuming that we lack the sense to dress for the weather or that we’d go into a situation and rely on a guy for our comfort. Women are capable of dressing fashionably and appropriately. Please.
    1. This is a dig at women caring more about looks than practicality
  3. Keeping the door open for someone if you’ve walked through first is human decency. This “always let the woman go first” business… I don’t understand it. The woman can be the face of the duo as well. Everyone, let’s just open doors for people that around.
    1. This is a dig at the need for princess treatment
  4. Timeliness is great on anyone.
    1. This is a dig at the stereotyped woman who isn’t on time and is “getting ready” when a date has to wait for her. This also undermines a woman’s ability to commute to a meeting place.
  5. Giving up a seat. I think you should do this if it’s for someone who’s pregnant, older, or disabled and unfortunately there’s a gender bias towards women since pregnant women are lumped in that group. I don’t understand the rationale behind giving up a seat at a friend’s home though? I feel like sometimes these odd exceptions are done to be “chivalrous” but really it reinforces how women need to be given preferential treatment…which is funny because this doesn’t happen in the workplace. Just equal out the hiring and promotional rates between men and women (or otherwise identified), the things that matter, not focus on silly life things like giving up a seat. Don’t give me a chair because of my gender. Give it up if I have a physical frailty that makes me need it more than you.
  6. No one should talk with a mouth full, so this one I agree with. Please conform to these society standards that we’re so used to when in this North American context.
  7. Advising a man to make sure he brings a woman to her front steps after drinks. I feel like this would put both parties at a more vulnerable position. It’s late, you have alcohol in you, and you’re near a room. Depending on the company, I don’t know if this would make a woman more or less safe.
  8. Don’t disrespect people working in service – I agree.
  9. Because this is in an post about so-called common problems with Montreal men, this point implies that a woman being unrealistic and needy is typical. Instead the author could’ve said to have clear communication to show maturity. This is something we should do as humans. Why are we prescribing all these things to men and saying they must be “gentlemen” and that women should look for these treatments?
  10. She got this one right. Man or woman, using the word “slut” to shame someone or tarnish a reputation – that’s wrong.

The article is writing from a heterosexual relationship POV, so I’m responding with these gendered pronouns.

I feel like this whole article was set up in a way where someone was supposed to respond, “How can you expect all these from a man when you women…[insert sexist stereotypes here]…”

Filed under: feelings, life, Montreal, people, , , , ,

infuriating

I don’t know how people like you still exist. I don’t know how you can hold on to such antiquated thoughts. It’s one thing to claim freedom of speech – that’s important – but it’s another to infringe on another’s rights. There are limits when one right starts hurting another. I’m not saying your ideas are wrong because of the times nor because your religion is not “trendy.” I’m saying that you’re building your stance on intolerance and that’s not okay.

It’s funny how you think you’re being a bigger person for being the minority, existing in a world that is accepting of different sexualities, while you’re grasping at reasons for continuing discrimination. Yes, you’re admitting to your biases, but you don’t understand the other side and you don’t try to. You can’t claim to love your friends but rally for denying them a basic right. You’re treating them like they’re second-class (enjoying marriage and then telling others they can’t do the same) while priding yourself on being loving and open to all. Your interpretation is opposite of what goodness your religion preaches. It’s dangerous that you’re supposed to be an example for younger people.

I’m sorry that you live in a way where your life and thoughts aren’t ruled by yourself but the dogma forced upon you by your parents and peers. You’ve selected to be in the same environment and are defensive to all those with varied thoughts. I’m trying to understand where you’re coming from. I’m asking exploration questions to learn more because I rarely come across those thoughts in real life. (I like surrounding myself with open-minded individuals.) I want to know if you’ve ever really thought about what everyone else was saying to you or if you’ve written us off as wrong and not let any words enter into listening ears.

You don’t really listen. You hear voices speak but you’re rehearsing your own thoughts, prepping for your own speech, moment of undeserved glory. Unfortunate

Filed under: life, people, ,

incite conversation

I love bringing books around because other book lovers (or curious minds) will start talking to me about the book or topics close to it.

Filed under: books, life

I know you didn’t know

but you were my comedic relief.

Filed under: life

when you look at a picture

I think you can usually pick out who a person would go for partner-wise.

Filed under: random,

tolerant isn’t enough

Look, I’m not religious, but I don’t think it’s right to put down those that are. When I was younger, I’d equated religion to brain-washing. I thought people were told things and blindly accepted them as truths. I still think it’s very much something that’s based on persuasion and pressure, but I’m not critical of the people that choose to believe. I’m critical of what people use religion as an excuse for (but that’s another topic). I think religion is more of a pick and choose (on the inside anyhow. What you must display to the world is something else), community networking, and societal control kind of mechanism. Anyway, today I encountered several people that stereotyped entire populations of people based on their beliefs. It’s not enough to tolerate religion; you need to respect it. It’s helped people. Just because your experience with it hasn’t been positive does not make it appropriate for you to tell people they can’t think critically or that your way is the right way. It disappoints me that people are so critical of others but don’t realize they’re being just as bad as the picture they’re painting of those are religious. You’re also saying other people’s beliefs are wrong. No one makes sense anymore…

Filed under: thoughts

This isn’t an excuse because I don’t need one

I’m rejecting you because I work out more than you and I can’t be with someone that doesn’t inspire me to be better.

This is a reason.

You never owe anyone an explanation for why you don’t want to be with them. If there’s no chemistry, there’s none. I messaged you out of boredom, replied to be polite, and it’s unfortunate you took it the wrong way. It’s a pretty far stretch to interpret anything I’ve said to you as flirtatious.

Filed under: feelings, life, thoughts

Stop it

I think if we were seeing each other or something then it would make more sense, but right now, I’m just getting irritated. You don’t need to share every moment with me nor text me everyday. It’s so pointless. Instead of getting excited, I feel the heavy, “Again?” At the back of my thoughts.

Filed under: feelings, life, people,

Snippet of my thoughts

The reality of it is that no matter how much I wonder what went wrong, how much I believed we clicked, when we met up, there was some initial excitement, and some degree of closeness, the uninhibited kind that you can form online, but there was no unguarded chemistry. Sure there was a lot of laughing and I think it was genuinely a good time, but there was something missing. I can’t pinpoint what it was, but I know that as we were exiting the restaurant, I felt more like I was being chaperoned and under careful observation than being excited for what was next.

And this spring, when I think back, he’d made an effort and me not knowing what to say, I’d let the conversation turn into a non-dynamic question and answer of how are yous. I wonder if it’s because of my retail experience that how are you and how’s your day has been trivialized to a passerby’s politeness, not a real intention to connect. My friend says that the act of asking is to show you’re on their mind. For me, it went from an interesting conversation prompt to a reason to start talking again but with no real incentive.

At some point I grew bored. I think it was because he wasn’t making effort in the conversation and neither was I.

So why was I so disappointed when I knew it wasn’t going anywhere? I think I was avoiding opening the conversations because I needed time to formulate my responses. I wasn’t comfortable being me and going with the banter we already had. It was unfortunate. It was also the insecure side of me reading words in a tone that didn’t exist, maybe not in him.

Filed under: feelings, list, ,

No bad books

Every book is good if you read it at the right time of your life.

Yeah, even books about abuse masquerading as romance. Sometimes that’s the kick the world needs to realize some things aren’t okay and admit how messed up it is that we glorify whatever makes money, gives fame.

And for those that love it, I’m sure there’s some other purpose

Filed under: books

July 2015
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