I know what I said before. I think I was being defensive and wanted some way to justify the fact that we hadn’t spoken in years. I’m glad I reached out and didn’t go with the “well if the other person isn’t saying anything I won’t either” stubbornness. I’m glad we’re friends again. I mean, it’s not quite to the same degree and we’ll probably never be as close as we once were, but at least the person that I once told my whole life to is now back in my life. Kind of.
I know technically it was “my fault” that we stopped talking for so long. When I replay those moments in my head, I still think it was harsh how he basically ended all contact because of one thing I said. Seriously, it was going from hours of conversation to barely a hello.
Hurt is something that takes time to heal from. I just didn’t think it’d take half a decade.
Filed under: Uncategorized, friends
Filed under: school, sunset, ubc
So we have the Oscars where we judge people on how well they portray these conflicts and other make-believes. At the end of your movie, you know you can chase your dreams and go back to your riches. On the other side of the world in Ukraine we have a crisis with political conflicts, where they wish it could be all make-believe. Head on, face the music.
Just my opinion, but perhaps we can pay more attention to the real thing.
Filed under: Uncategorized, life, odd, our world
I’ve been thinking lately. By lately I mean that for the past half an hour I’ve been thinking about friendships. It’s so odd that I don’t feel necessarily comfortable asking people to go out with me – friends, I mean. I’ve had many different experiences of friendships and it’s always struck me as odd how at times some seem so distant, free of updates or contact. I wonder if it’s because we’re all busy. I wonder if it’s avoidance. I wonder if it’s a “let’s phase it out” kind of thing.
I wonder why they don’t feel comfortable enough to confide in me. Because a lot of big things happen but, from my perspective at least, it’s more often than not that I find out months down the line after everything’s been filtered through many opinions and people. Sometimes I think it’s because I don’t share enough, so I’m acting as a wall. Trust me when I say I wish I could offer more but there’s little to say when romantically I can only share dead ends and perhaps complaints. And let’s be honest, that’s a dreadful thing to focus on. I can talk about other things. I can offer opinions that maybe they don’t agree with nor want to hear. But experiences? That’s tough.
Habit? Is that why sometimes I’m at a total loss for words and why I circle back to the same topics? Is that why sometimes I worry about not having anything to say? It doesn’t even make sense to me. I can meet new people and talk for hours. I know it’s something I can and like to do, so how come I’m so cautious around people that I’ve known for so long? We’re there because that’s what we know and the loss of that comfort supersedes our need for new habits and change.
Obligation. Not from me to others. Maybe my thoughts are unfounded or maybe they aren’t and are based in insecurity. Maybe because I’ve seen it so much in books and other friends that I wonder if I’m supposed to take hints and cut off contact. Maybe this sounds silly.
Or maybe I’m just at the time of the month and feeling a tad hormonal and a bit in need for someone to talk to.
I’m hesitant to post this blog under “problems” because so much crisis is happening in the world right now. It is what it is though.
Filed under: feelings, friendships, life, problems
Someone I know created a Facebook event that is supposed to happen in ten years. The activity is TBD; the time is TBD; the location is TBD. The only thing that is for certain is that we’re supposed to hang out.
I wonder if we’ll still be in touch then. I wonder if everyone who clicked “attending” will show up
I wonder if they’ll have partners or kids in tow
I wonder why we’ve lost touch.
Already. Only virtually connected.
I wonder if I’ll remember their names. I’ll wonder if they remember mine.
When that day comes
Filed under: feelings, life, random
Makeup is a funny thing. If the younger girls took it off they’d look younger and if the older people took it off they’d look older. So if everyone took it off, would we feel a huge age gap in looks?
Filed under: beauty
February 27, 2014 • 9:41 pm
I’m not trying to be all cryptic but
This was not part of the plan.
Filed under: feelings
February 27, 2014 • 8:00 pm
When I read the poem Our Generation, I immediately thought of Lost Generation. The guy probably had a homework assignment to write a poem inspired by or in the style of Jonathan Reed’s Lost Generation. My English teachers asked us to do that from time to time, so I imagine it was probably something similar. So many people attacking a 14 year old…
Filed under: in my opinion
February 24, 2014 • 11:59 pm
Sometimes when I think of things that happened in high school, I forget that some of it was almost a decade ago.
Filed under: feelings, school