ta reese a: tease era

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My type of being alone

People are getting more comfortable with the idea of choosing to be alone – choosing a good book, watching a good show, doing something independent of company - but there’s still this huge taboo, at least in my circle of friends here, of attending events alone. It’s not that it harms anyone, but there’s judgment that comes along with it.

“I went to insert event/gallery/museum/attraction here.”
“Who’d you go with?”
“I just went by myself.”
[pause]

They wonder if you have no friends, they wonder if you got in a fight with your usual friends, and they wonder why. They can’t imagine why. To the people who question why one would choose to do anything alone when the same thing can be done with friends, well, sometimes I really like moving at my own pace. (Though to be honest, if company’s available, I’ll almost always choose company. I just like having the option.)

There’s this beautiful freedom of solidarity that you get when you get comfortable with doing things on your own. To enjoy life and its opportunities, to not deny yourself an outing and to opt to meet people when you get there, instead of staying at home because you “have no one to go with.” Don’t get me wrong, private me time is great: I love reading a good book, reading blogs, laying on my mat, dancing in my room, and singing out loud off-key. However, I also love experiencing new things that are typically “social” activities. I love clicking with a new person and having someone else assume we must’ve known each other forever because of the observed ease of conversation, the natural chemistry. That it exists between people that could’ve been strangers? Love it.

It’s a quiet independence that you have to learn. I think first you have to learn to be okay studying alone, sitting in the presence of groups and being by yourself. Don’t be linked to someone on the phone or computer, but really be alone. Embrace that moment and be okay with it. Or if you’re out of school, then learn to be okay with shopping alone. Walk through the mall or in front of window displays by yourself. Don’t hurry through the stores to avoid someone “catching you” by yourself; let yourself be seen. Focus on what you’re there to do, not the fact that you’re not flanked by friends. Look for the pieces that you want. It’s wonderful to not feel obliged to slow down for anyone, to not wait for someone else to exit the changing rooms, nor enter places you’d rather skip. Enjoy that control of every choice.

Then take it further. You have to hear about an event, something you’ve always wanted to do, someone you’ve always wanted to see, or anything that you have a semblance of passion for. When your friends don’t share the same interest or your schedules don’t align, let yourself buy tickets and make plans to go anyway. Go. Realize you enjoy it. You’re capable of getting happiness from what the attraction provides. It’s not necessary to bring people with you in order for you to enjoy yourself. Realize this.

Finally, learn to start conversations. This isn’t about picking up strangers or making lifelong friends. This is about in-the-moment connections. This is about creating company. If you’re at an event, chances are that other people are there because they share at least one interest with you. Talk to them. Comment on the venue, the atmosphere, what you’re excited about. If you’re excited about something that they’re excited about, someone will keep talking. Remember to respect boundaries though and don’t interrupt someone’s conversation or barge into another. There are always people slightly isolated, body angled away from the group, head tilted to the door, eyes constantly searching for another face. These are the people you can talk to. These are the people that are craving conversation with someone new. They want somewhere new to belong.

So be okay with being alone. Don’t avoid going out just because you have nobody to go with. Go out because you want to and because you have to confidence to be places independently.

Be okay with enjoying things by yourself.

Filed under: feelings, friendships, in my opinion, issues, life, , , , , ,

Thinking clearly now

I don’t think I would’ve developed such an aversive reaction if he hadn’t brought her up so often. Because you are the company you keep.

The one opinion and a tad patronizing kind of personality in a person isn’t the type of friend I like having.

Filed under: feelings, friendships

hormonal imbalance

Says the Internet, this is something I’ll have to wait out until I age out of it.

Other people also with primary dysmenorrhea: http://babyandbump.momtastic.com/trying-to-conceive/259734-dysmenorrhea-sufferers-any-others-out-there-2.html, http://www.glowm.com/section_view/heading/Dysmenorrhea/item/9

I’m not sure why suddenly, after having my period for many years, I’ve gotten these symptoms. The other women describe it perfectly – the writhing, the labour-like cramps…

It seems like most people are using these solutions:

  • birth control (but I don’t want to mess with my hormones)
  • herbal teas (for relaxation)
  • painkillers

Basically doctors go through all the possible tests with you at the hospital and won’t be able to find a physical cause. The first time it happens to you, you may think it’s a one-off thing and be glad you lived. The second time it happens, you may be scared that it’ll become the new menstrual cycle norm. Thank goodness for the internet for the empathy and support.

We deal with it.

Filed under: health

Knowing I won’t die doesn’t make it less painful

It’s the same order each time, a slight murmur that becomes pain. A twisting sensation that spreads to my limbs and incapacitates them. My thoughts of Oh no, is this a panic attack? Then the intense pain takes away my ability to stand, to speak confidently, and to straighten out from a fetal position. I give in to whatever it is.

Invisible monsters

Filed under: health, life, problems,

Say what you will

Jian G is Canada’s version of Woody Allen. Sway? Because of power and prestige from the men and long messages accusing the women of being at fault, for wanting to ruin them, the public is not sure whether or not to believe or deny them.

I believe that when someone speaks out about something horrible done by someone, of course the person will try to deny it. How many people right away admit to wrongdoings? Only the ones that want to change. Anyway, I tend to believe those that are more vulnerable.

Filed under: in my opinion, issues

stagnant friendships

I think I’m not really into replying because he agrees with everything I say when I challenge him and his choice of words. I like that he opens his mind to other views but it’s like he’s a sponge and not a human. Like…why can’t he spark some kind of interesting conversation? Aren’t there things I say, views I present, that he disagrees with? It feels like we’re not going to grow as humans. Baseline, unoffensive conversation topics…

Can you expect more than company from friends?

Filed under: friendships

unkillable conversations

sometimes you try to give unmoving, non-prompting answers to end a conversation but the other person keeps going.

Filed under: in my opinion

A bit worrisome

The fact that he’s willing to drive halfway across the city to make sure I’m safe worries me.

We talk a lot. Too much?

Filed under: feelings, friendships, life

you don’t know

you don’t know black and white from grey.

you live in grey. the if I can get away with it I will.

how can you use me as an example of

what not to do

when you don’t even know the situation?

you have no idea how sick I was of the bureaucracy,

the ageism,

the uninformed insults,

the way you tried to use me

to further your agenda.

It’s gross that you did it behind my back

when you’re the ones that are supposed to have my back.

Capitalistic world.

we are, we are.

Filed under: in my opinion, ,

I miss feeling like I belong

I think that’s why lately, I’ve been searching for blogs to read, books with characters I can relate to, strangers that’ll reply, anything. I feel so out of touch with people. There are so many Let’s meet up sometime good intentions that never materialize. It’s the polite thing to say that never requires that polite thing to do.

So sometimes even if I’m tired of talking to this one friend, I pause a bit and then keep it going because I know how much it sucks to not receive a reply. And honestly, he’s one of those texting superheroes that’ll double text when I don’t reply. Keep that conversation going when I let it die. #1 friend right there. Insta-replies too. None of that “seen” and no reply business.

There are some people I haven’t talk to in person in months and honestly I feel like in person, I wouldn’t be able to think of anything to say. Like we might plan to meet up and then sit there in silence and end up talking about food.

Filed under: feelings, friendships

October 2014
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